My Life in Salento – Part Three: The Decision to Stay in Lecce – Between Soulful Desire and Real-Life Challenge

The decision to become a resident of Lecce, a city in southern Puglia, wasn’t the result of long-term planning. Like many of the most meaningful choices in my life, it arose from external turbulence – but even more so from deep internal clarity. This choice, which didn’t appear on any roadmap, was not based on logic or feasibility, but on a quiet yet persistent inner movement – the voice of the soul. A voice that usually isn’t loud, but is consistent, steady, and returns again and again until you listen.

For many years, I’ve been engaged in mental and spiritual work, guided by different teachers and mentors – each offering me a unique toolbox to live my life with ease and lightness, even in turbulent times. This article – the third in a series – is not only a personal testimony, but also an attempt to share how deep consciousness work and internal alignment helped me navigate one of the most challenging periods of my adult life.

Through a combination of academic psychology, transpersonal insights, and mental tools I’ve gathered along the way, I offer a broader reading of the process of choosing, especially when it occurs in the eye of the storm.

1. Between Crisis and Choice

In October 2023, while I was in Italy to launch a new real estate venture in the Salento region, war broke out in Israel. The project was initially meant to connect Israeli investors to a developing market – one with great potential, yet susceptible to geopolitical shifts. Within days, flights were canceled, borders closed, and reality as I knew it changed dramatically. My son was about to get married, all three of my children were serving in the IDF, and my business in Israel was on pause.

In those moments, I understood something vital: choice doesn’t always happen in peace – sometimes it happens under fire. Viktor Frankl, Holocaust survivor and psychiatrist (Man’s Search for Meaning, 1946), and Irvin Yalom, pioneer of existential psychotherapy (Existential Psychotherapy, 1980), both claimed that true choice is not necessarily an action, but a conscious response. Do I react out of fear, or out of connection? Do I surrender to circumstances – or create meaning within the chaos?

Life led me to stay in Italy – first out of necessity, but eventually out of inner peace. I understood that I wasn’t just staying – I was settling. I rented an apartment, built personal and professional relationships, and continued developing the business, not just for Israelis, but for an international clientele. Today, I work in real estate as well as in lifestyle, culture, and high-end tourism. I’ve learned the language, studied the law, and am gradually absorbing the culture, the rhythm of life, and the beauty of this new chapter – and I truly love it.

2. Difficulty as a Sign of Inner Misalignment

There were moments when I realized I was choosing out of fear, not from my soul’s essence. Fear of failure, fear of loneliness in the vast unknown of Salento, far from my familiar patterns, language, culture, and anchors – my family, my friends, all I had known.

These were moments when fear clouded judgment, weakened my inner voice, and tempted me to choose what seemed “safe” – but wasn’t right. Out of that fear, I made a few choices that didn’t align with my truth – collaborations born not from the heart, but from a need to please or belong. The result? Confusion, frustration, stagnation.

As transpersonal psychiatrist Stanislav Grof explains (The Cosmic Game, 1998), deviation from our essence causes existential dissonance. Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, who developed the concept of Flow (Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience, 1990), showed that only when we are in alignment with ourselves can optimal functioning and inner meaning arise. When I returned to listening to myself, the peace came back, energy returned, and the real beginning began. The collapse of the old world ended, and a new, connected beginning took root.

3. The Five-Stage Model of Choice

One of the key models I’ve learned and embodied in my work is the Five-Stage Choice Model – a widely known framework combining insights from psychology, philosophy, and existential therapy. Over time, I’ve echoed these five steps not just in theory, but as a lived experience:

1. Desire – Identifying the authentic desire, free from external influence. According to Self-Determination Theory (Deci & Ryan, 1985), inner desire is key to deep motivation and meaning. For me, my soulful knowing that I was meant to live in Lecce was crystal clear. Here, I found roots and a sense of essence I’d never known. It wasn’t a logical decision – it was an inner calling.

2. Acceptance – Welcoming all parts of the choice – the desirable and the uncomfortable. It’s a full agreement not just with the goal, but with the shadows, uncertainty, and potential costs. Carl Rogers (1961) saw acceptance as a prerequisite for true change, not passive, but a deep understanding that growth requires embracing complexity. For me, acceptance meant saying goodbye to a beloved country, to 27 years of motherhood at the center of my life, to a close-knit family, dear friends, and my homeland. It meant building life anew – home, language, culture, habits, friendships, even the traffic lights are different. And still, I said yes.

3. Joy – Choosing joy. Not superficial happiness, but a deep sense of agreement arising from full presence with the chosen path. Eckhart Tolle (A New Earth, 2005) emphasizes that only through presence can authentic joy emerge, even in difficulty. Joy is a sign that your choice is aligned with your essence, not because it’s easy, but because it’s right. Every morning, as part of my routine, I choose to be in light and in joy.

4. Responsibility – Taking responsibility for the path and for the choice. It’s the stage where I express my inner strength and commit to what I chose. Persistence is essential in times of challenge, when it’s easy to give up or blame. The wisdom lies in staying the course, loyal to my inner truth. Janis & Mann (1977) emphasized the importance of internal responsibility in making complete decisions – responsibility that leads to endurance, and brings ease and lightness in the journey. I’ve been through many challenges, supported by local friends who were gifts on my path – some left, some stayed in deep, solid friendship. From Israel, too – my children, even though they hoped for something else, supported me as best they could. My rare and loving mother, my father, and siblings – each in their own way. Even if they didn’t always agree, they reached out. I’ve been loved – and lived in love. I stayed consistent. I didn’t retreat. I’m here to stay.

5. Initiative – Only after we’ve walked through the four previous stages with clarity, joy, and responsibility can we take action. Initiative isn’t just an external act – it’s the embodiment of our inner power. I’ve learned repeatedly: only when a choice ripens within can it truly be expressed without. Recently, when my daughter came to visit, I realized – I’m at peace. She’s at peace. The choice is now understood – even by them. “Mom’s Italian home” is no longer a threat – it’s a reality. The physical distance is no longer emotional distance. I’m present, loving, and whole in my choice. And I know – things are aligning, and will continue to align – because I’ve chosen what’s right for me.

This model, combined with mental tools I’ve gained in recent years, has become a clear, practical compass. Not as a theoretical concept, but as a daily process I live and choose again.

4. When the Choice Is Right – Reality Aligns

Since I went through this process – not once, but again and again – my choice to remain in Lecce has settled within me. I’m not here because I have no choice – I’m here because I choose. I act from clarity, not survival. This insight allowed me to build a diverse business with clients from the U.S., Europe, and Israel – in real estate, culture, and lifestyle – in a way that aligns with my values and the local essence of Salento.

In my personal life, too, with my children and family, stability has emerged. I can hear everything, hold even the most painful experiences, and not lose my center. I don’t need to justify my choices, because I’m at peace with them.

Final Words

The decision to stay in Lecce wasn’t easy, but it was accurate. It wasn’t born in the mind – but deep in the body, the heart, and the soul. Thanks to the mental tools I’ve learned, the models shared by teachers along the way, and the renewed trust in myself, I’ve turned crisis into opportunity. And I’ve turned Italy into home.

And the deepest lesson?

When we choose from inner clarity, even the challenges become the path. Not a stumbling block, but a stepping stone.

References:

• Deci, E. L., & Ryan, R. M. (1985). Intrinsic Motivation and Self-Determination in Human Behavior.Read it here

• Frankl, V. E. (1946). Man’s Search for Meaning.Read it here

• Grof, S. (1998). The Cosmic Game: Explorations of the Frontiers of Human Consciousness.More info

• Janis, I. L., & Mann, L. (1977). Decision Making: A Psychological Analysis of Conflict, Choice, and Commitment.Summary

• Rogers, C. R. (1961). On Becoming a Person: A Therapist’s View of Psychotherapy.Read it here

• Tolle, E. (2005). A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life’s Purpose.More info

• Yalom, I. D. (1980). Existential Psychotherapy.Overview

• Csikszentmihalyi, M. (1990). Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience.Read it here